10. splash
daryl hannah is a real asshole for chowing down on what would have once been her buddy in the ocean (*see the little mermaid). i guess now that she’s a human she forgets her roots.

9. summer rentaljohn candy is fat, therefore he goes on vacation and immediately goes for lobster. but just because he’s fat doesn’t mean he’s getting those lobsters to eat. you have to be rich in this town to eat them. so he throws a fit because he doesn’t get his lobster!

8. multiple maniacshave you ever thought about sexing a giant lobster? how about ever thought about sexing divine? yes they’re both really barf worthy so that’s why they make the perfect couple. they fuck each other.

7. starship troopers
those are basically lobsters, right? they don’t look very delicious at all.

6. girl movies: love actually, julie and julia, how to lose a guy in 10 days
normal white people eating and dressing as lobsters.

5. naked gun 2 1/2
that’s one big horny lobster.

4. annie hall
if you want to know if the person you’re dating is the one, try boiling lobsters together. if you have fun, she’s right for you. if she’s lame about it, you know to get back with diane keaton. lobsters bringing people together, i love it.

3. one crazy summer
nantucket is overrun with lobsters, so they can be the theme of a practical joke you play, or even the target while shooting practice. it’s fun to do bad things (with lobsters).

2. flashdance
because she’s ghetto and not used to fine dining, jennifer beals thinks it’s appropriate to orally fuck her lobster to entice her date. works for me!

1. leonard part 6
it’s not often you get to see bill cosby, lobsters attacking, and magical butter in one place. thank god for leonard part 6.

even robert pattinson enjoys a nice lobster dinner.

(now with working video!)
people don’t like m. night too much!! via

10. major league
peeing context: this is what lou brown thinks of a non sit-up contract
amount of pee: enough to show he don’t give a fuck about that contract
see that contract right there? yeah, it’s on the ground so that it can be successfully pissed upon. and the best part is that dorn just watches him do it. and doesn’t say anything! what a pussy.

9. the naked gun: from the files of police squad!
peeing context: leslie takes a relaxing urine sesh with his mic on. funny i guess?
amount of pee: he pees a lot.
oh look, he pees for so long and makes noises while he does it and since his microphone is on, everyone hears the pee!! lolz.

8. the exorcist / the big lebowski
peeing context: peeing on a nice persian rug out of spite/evil
amount of pee: enough to make both rugs rather gross
linda blair thinks she can really show how lame she’s becoming by peeing in front of her mom’s exciting piano party. and then she expects her mom to clean that shit up. and then the chinaman pees to show he means business. because that’s how you show you mean business. i personally love rugs and when i see them get ruined, it totally makes me so :(

7. fight club
peeing context: tyler durden works in a hotel restaurant so that he can piss and shit and fart in the food
amount of pee: maybe not too much because he’s bladder shy
a big batch of unattended soup is just waiting to be peed in, and no one in the kitchen seems to care.

6. robocop
peeing context: the bad guy’s minding his own business, being a bad guy and taking a pee
amount of pee: as soon as the ladycop shows up behind him, he doesn’t have to go anymore!
like i just said right before this, the bad guy is peeing but needs to put his hands up because he’s in trouble. so he puts his hands up, but his dick is still out. he asks to zip it up and ladycop looks down, is enthralled by his big black penis, and he then has the time to kick her ass. this is a good technique for any aspiring bad guy.

5. troll 2
peeing context: in order to get the fam to not eat the goblin food, he must cover it in urine!
amount of pee: apparently enough to get him totally GROUNDED!
grandpa freezes time so that he can figure out a way to get them to not eat this disgusting and unrecognizable food. is the mom eating like a hamburger bun? i think my first thought would be to take the food away and throw it in the trash or something. but instead he decides he must pee. it’s the only way.

4. innerspace
peeing context: martin short’s taking a normal pee, only he has body company so it seems weird
amount of pee: n/a
while martin talks to dennis quaid in his body, it appears on the outside world that he’s totally talking to his dick!!!!! so the older gentleman witnessing this in the bathroom says “play with it kid, don’t talk to it.” HAHHAHAHHAHAH.

3. dead alive
peeing context: british hooligans stalk cemeteries at night to steal wallets and pee on tombstones
amount of pee: dude pees a shit ton of mustard
NEVER pee on a tombstone because the body absolutely hates it and will kill you for sure.

2. rock n roll high school forever
peeing context: drug tests in high school require you to pee
amount of pee: tons and tons of apple juice
those silly punk high school students fuck with the high school DEA by pouring apple juice into cups through their dicks or something, and then they mix up their pee and have to drink and switch and drink until they get their own pee back. it makes the DEA so grossed out. mission accomplished. i think it’s worth watching.

1. doc hollywood
peeing context: they have to pee all over the woods to throw off deer hunters
amount of pee: enough to fill A MINI MONTAGE!
any movie with a peeing in the woods montage is good with me. especially when it has michael j fox, amiright. you can watch this one too.

*honorable mention: peeing yourself in fear is funny too.
ransom / true lies / friday the 13th part 2 / pieces
when facing death by psycho killer or gary sinise or the governor, people tend to pee themselves. it’s a scientific fact! in ransom, the kid doesn’t want to see his kidnapper in his house! so he pees to show mel gibson (topical) how scurred he is. bill paxton is not a spy because a spy wouldn’t have a tiny pathetic penis and pee himself. in f13:2, the final girl is being super ballsy for like 10 minutes, keeping her cool while running and hiding from jason. but it’s when she’s hiding under a bed and a rat comes up to her face that she actually pees herself (bad idea if you’re hiding and your pee is butternut squash soup). how do you pee from a rat and not jason!? and then when the topless tennis player is about to get so dead by chainsaw in pieces, she too pees herself so we know for sure she’s scared. COMEDY!!!!