yknow when theres that character that walks into a room and everything goes slowmotion because they’re just so fuckable? well i don’t think these people are.

10. jamie gertz
movie: the lost boys
desirability-level: she’s so not worth becoming a vampire for
jamie gertz is ok and all, but i really don’t see jason patric AND keifer fighting over her. especially not after they hear her voice. jason patric’s every move in the movie are to impress her, such as motorcycle race with dangerous leather strangers, oh and drinking blood and eating worm take out. she ain’t worth it yo.

9. jon voight
movie: midnight cowboy
desirability-level: his body brings home bacon
am i the only one that would rather pay to slam dustin hoffman? sorry, but i think jon voight has a face for sex phone operator.

8. alex mack
movie: 10 things i hate about you
desirability-level: many a teenager would like to do her
if it’s because she isn’t allowed to date, i kinda get it. but alex mack is quite popular and magnetizing to these attractive high school boys andrew keegan and joseph gordon-leavitt. sorry, but no. she’s really not that hot at all.

7. michelle trachtenberg
movie: eurotrip
desirability-level: she seems to be portraying a hot girl
this movie came out and everyone (or no one) was talking about how harriet the spy was suddenly hot. well i saw the movie and no she’s not. the whole time, she does things like this, things hot girls do right? she proves that if you lift your head, close your eyes, and do things super slowly while flipping your hair, people will mistake you for a hot person.

6. andie macdowell
movie: groundhog day (also four weddings and a funeral, multiplicity, and sex, lies, and videotape)
desirability-level: how there is any is beyond me.
dear hollywood, you’re casting it wrong. andie macdowell should not play roles that are for attractive women ok? please stop. i’m not buying it.

5. johnny (michelle pfeiffer‘s boyfriend)
movie: grease 2
desirability-level: he looks more like the little brother of a popular greaser but somehow was a popular greaser
yeah michelle pfeiffer would totally date this. and think THIS GUY is the dork. i get they’re trying to cast it so we want her to end up with the nerd but come on. oh hey look, it’s christopher mcdonald.

4. dean cameron
movie: ski school
desirability-level: somehow he’s the ladies man of the slopes
hey, don’t get me wrong. dean cameron is amazing, but i might not cast him as the casanova of ski school.

3. kerri green
movie: the goonies and lucas
desirability-level: she was a major heartthrob, banged by sheen and brolin.
not really sure why kerri green was cast twice as the object of affection for the studly older guys. she’s ok and all, but i mean, her? she’s more on corey haim (WA!) or sean astins level than the studs imo.

2. minnie driver
movie: good will hunting
desirability-level: again, dudes fight over her! over old ass MINNIE DRIVER
matt damon sees this girl and just has to have her. he has to steal her away from the other guy who had to have her. guys. it’s minnie driver. remember? no one wants those apples.

1. glenn close
movie: fatal attraction
desirability-level: michael douglas will need to fuck this chick because his wife is way more attractive
i’m not saying she’s bad in the movie. i’m just saying, michael douglas, your wife is pretty cute. why must you have this? she looks like peter weller. are you dying to fuck peter weller? gross!

*honorable mention: lisa
movie: the room
desirability-level: lisa’s beauty mesmerizes every man in this movie
everyone wants to fuck and fucks lisa in the movie. that’s what the movie is all about! but lisa’s neck talks. go watch how hot she’s supposed to be.

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