just because they’re children doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to get their skulls cracked sometimes, amiright? these kids are the ones i can stand the least and would abruptly desert in grocery store.

10. eliza dushku
movie: bye bye love (she’s also pretty whiney in true lies)
eliza is a bitchy teenager going through the phase when she’d rather hook up with nonsensically attractive mcdonald’s employees than have parents. because having parents totally blows! so she just complains and bitches and hides in tree houses and cries to seem cool.

9. fuckin wiley wiggins
movie: dazed and confused
if he took one minute to remove his fingers from his frontal sinuses, maybe he could see himself in the mirror and do something about how much he sucks.

8. matilda
movie: mrs. doubtfire
matilda’s not only the worst girl in movies to look at, she’s the worst one to listen to as well. she is not cute and she is not to be trusted. worst.

7. ethan (randall) embry
movie: dutch
the movie’s all about him being a spoiled little dipshit, and he is one! no one wants to fence with him and he hates poor people. i do get why he wouldn’t want dutch as his stepdad though. if he had to take his last name, he’d be doyle dooley. bummer.

6. dakota fanning
movie: war of the worlds (and uptown girls, i am sam, man on fire)
dakota fanning had a knack for playing obnoxious little brats in every movie. we’re so sorry that you’re allergic to peanut butter, dakota! BOOHOO. cry little baby, CRY!

5. martin short
movie: clifford
clifford is pretty cute and all, but he sure is a cocky little trouble maker.

4. sean astin
movie: the goonies (and also every movie until after encino man)
sean astin can’t help but be an annoying little bitch. he’s irritating in the goonies. and he’s equally shitty in white water summer. and he grows up to still be awful in encino man. and now he’s fat.

3. the shitty son of debra winger
movie: terms of endearment
whether his mom is yelling at him to get in the car or dying of cancer, he stays true to his little punk behavior and just doesn’t give a fuck. because kids can do that and it’s ok with people.

2. grover
movie: house arrest
grover is terrible. not only does he lock his parents in the basement and gain popularity because he locks other parents up too, but he cries constantly because he’s a little bitch. and he’s in high school!

1. the kid from the witches
movie: parenthood
he can’t defend himself against a bully that his baby brother could beat up. he has a tantrum when he loses his retainer. he’s not happy unless cowboy dan is at his birthday party. he should shut the fuck up and grow some balls.

* honorable mention: miko hughes
movie: pet sematary
omg. even as a little murdering zombie, he’s too cute to not love. so yeah, he kills people and that wouldn’t be good but he makes up for it with that face

* honorable mention #2: haley joel
movie: pay it forward
always preaching about doing the right thing, he lets a crazy bum live in his house without even asking his mom. he’s a little dick but he gets his in the end when he totally DIES.

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