top 10 scientists in movies played by actors who don’t really pull off the whole “scientist” thing
dear casting people, you’re doing it wrong.
the following scientists for one reason or another are the least convincing, and it was a tough race because there are truly hundreds of terribly implausible scientists in movies. yay movies!
10. sphere
scientist: sharon stone
type of science: marine biologist. as if!
sharon stone is a lovely woman, not to say that being attractive makes you dumb, but she’s blonde too. so no, makers of sphere, we don’t buy that as beautiful and blonde as sharon stone is, she could also be a marine biologist set out to find an underwater alien spacecraft.
9. the rock
scientist: nic cage
type of science: fbi chemical weapons expert, natch.
the whole plot relies on nic cage and his science skills, recruited to neutralize the vx nerve agent threat. that sounds like a disaster. no one should ever rely their lives or their plots on nic cage. if nicolas cage gets to play an intelligent person, then andie mcdowell should play the sexiest woman in the world. ew.
8. bio-dome
scientist: kylie minogue with red hair
type of science: like an adaptation scientist or something?
kylie is one of the team members chosen to not leave the bio-dome for a year. but she’s not eye candy for pauly shore, stephen baldwin, and the other science people, she’s a serious scientist too who wears tight clothes and hooks up with people like pauly shore! science.
7. the lawnmower man AND dante’s peak
scientist: pierce brosnan doubles it up as mr science
type of science: teaches chimps about warfare technology and a volcanologist
pierce brosnan doesn’t come off as the scientist type to me. but to casting people, he is THE scientist! playing a scientist in a whopping TWO films (or even more possibly). maybe the rules are different in englanddddd, but in america, all of the many scientists i know wouldn’t be able to play james bond amiright?
6. alone in the dark
scientist: goose egg nippled tara reid, yknow, the one who gets raped in body shots
type of science: archaeologist
oh come on.
5. material girls
scientist: hilary duff
type of science: lab technician
hilary duff’s family fortune is in turmoil, so she has to become a scientist to fix all the problems and be rich again. so she becomes a scientist and then she even gets a scientist boyfriend in the process! YAY SCIENCE!
4. hollow man
scientists: the whole cast
type of science: megalomaniacal molecular biologists
wow that is one attractive group of megalomaniacal molecular biologists if i say so myself! elizabeth shue! kevin bacon! josh brolin! the other girl who shows one boob when invisible kevin bacon fondles it! and they’re very happy to boot. because they get to do science and turn people invisible and be hot and bang each other and stuff.
3. deep blue sea
scientist: saffron burrows
type of science: shark experts looking for a cure for alzheimer’s
this scientist is a little more believable because yes she’s hot, so duh, she and her team totally fuck things up. they’re too busy not really being scientists. when you make super powered sharks, they super power eat people. duh. but she’s very pretty!
2. junior
scientist: ahnuld
type of science: gynecological scientist
ahnuld as a scientist. that seems very far fetched. but hey, he’s governor now, so it could be possible i suppose. he is a scientist of the vagina and decides to make a baby in his own buff and not scientist-like man body and succeeds! what a great scientist.
1. chain reaction
scientist: KEANU FTW!!!!!
type of science: student machinist
keanu is working to create energy from bubble fusion and secretly discovers the secret to successfully using sonoluminescense to create stable bubble fusion. i’m sure this role took quite a bit of practice for keanu. the lines were probably really hard to remember. when i make a movie about a scientist, he will be my first choice fo sho.
*honorable mention: transformers
scientist: blonde australian chick
type of science: she’s like, a computer scientist
so she’s not technically a scientist because she doesn’t wear a lab coat, but she decodes viruses and is responsible for knowing that the hacking wasn’t done by humans. ok anyway, she really stands out of the crowd by being unnecessarily way hotter than she should be. that’s a great job, michael bay!
my favorite director as of this minute of today is steve miner. i love to make things, drink too much, angrily debate about horror movies, happily discuss full house, and buy home decor and clothing with animals on them. wolves and kittens mostly. i also love thousand island, the movie zapped (and the soundtrack), and keith david. and despite all this, i was really popular in high school!
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I wholeheartedly agree. Some minstrels came to my kingdom some moons ago, and the buxom maiden playing the alchemist was far too hot for that part. I made sure to tell her so upon ravaging her bosom behind some tapestries
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sharon stone, kylie minogue, tara reid, hillary duff, elizabeth shue, saffron burrows.
that’s one steaming bowl of doctor soup
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Molly’s lists are a thing of beauty. Way to go Molly! Another one OUT OF THE PARK!!!
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ya know who’s hot?
sean young as ms hyde. though i guess you gotta go with the actual doctor tim daly.
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Yo Madfishizzle. I wrote a great comment for your blog but stupid WordPress had some kind of error and ditched my comment, and now I can’t get it back! And it took soooooooooo long to write because it was in cRaZYcApZ!
So this one better work or I’m outta here. Damn straight. Fo shiz, my niz.
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