people die in movies all the time, and people in movies also do a lot of dumb shit. so sometimes, people do stupid things and pay for it… with their life.

10. speed
dead person: beth grant
mastermind bomb guy dennis hopper says he’ll take the injured driver off the bus, no funny stuff. so first thing the way less hot friend of sandra bullock does is some FUNNY STUFF alright. she thinks he won’t notice if she slowly exits the bus because she is better than all the other scared passengers and she deserves safety but they don’t? bitch deserves death and gets it! BYE BYE HELEN.

9. my girl
dead person: the cutest macaulay ever
macaulay is the best friend ever so when vada loses her mood ring in the beehives and since he’s allergic, best bet is to go fetch the mood ring and then maybe she’ll “think of him” awwww. oh and he loses his glasses and looks for them rather than just bolting. we all learned the lesson that you don’t go into the woods to kick around beehives without a parent or guardian present, amiright? or at least next time, bring vada so you can be together in heaven.

8. fear
dead person: reese witherspoon’s little friend
the nameless and faceless (pictured above) annoying little bitch friend of reese’s think he’s a tough guy even after mark walhberg kicks his ass once in front of everyone at school. but he loves his friend nicole (a LOT!), so he thinks it’s a good idea to follow this crazy dude into the woods because he poses no threat! think again. he kills you. and you coulda just minded your business and stayed out of nicole’s love life, whoever you are.

7. my boyfriend’s back
dead person: phillip seymour hoffman
in this amazing movie that no one has really seen, phillip seymour hoffman is the bully friend of the main attractive bully guy. but he’s more than just a bully, he wants to murder (zombies) too! so when he is about to chop (zombie) dude up with an axe, he pulls it back to create suspense and axes himself in the back. lolz.

6. deep blue sea
dead person: samuel l. jackson
well, when you make super sharks that super eat people, best idea is not to stand right near the open tank when you’re making your big speech about how you’re a survivor and you’re not gonna die and stuff. we all know, in movies if you’re making a speech of any sort and you’re standing near something that could kill you like a big open window, you’ll die out that open window, so it may have been better to stand 20 feet north of the sharks, sam jackson.

5. weekend at bernie’s
dead person: bernie lomax
bernie thinks that since he’s rich and powerful, he can do whatever he wants. NOT TRUE, BERNIE! not true! he’s ballsy enough to not only screw the mafia guy he has kill people for him’s wife, but be pretty ridiculously blatant about it too. they’re not gonna be ok with that bernie. duhhhh.

4. twister
dead person: cary elwes
dr. cary elwes is told to get off the road they’re driving on. there is a big twister coming!!!! but he’s like, “driver! keep driving!” and the guys on the CB are like “no seriously dude, you are about to die! you really have to get off the road” and he’s all “oh shut up” and then what? dead.

3. titanic
dead person: leo dicaprio
i think kate winslet has lost some weight since the 90’s, so maybe now she wouldn’t have to be so selfish and take the plank all to herself. obviously, it could have fit two, ESPECIALLY if she loved him. but it’s really his fault and not hers. leo coulda been like “um bitch we’re sharing this, i’m not dying so you can have the extra space”. and he’d still be alive!

2. con-air
dead person: that dude that nic cage kills

sure, we all love to taunt. but if dude had just listened to nic cage and PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX, everyone would have walked away alive. but i guess it was too much fun to not put the bunny back in the box. enough fun it was worth dying for.

1. boyz in the hood
dead person: ricky
ricky, ricky, ricky. the gang is after you and they’re like, not gentle people. first off, don’t split up with your friend. stay together! what difference does it make if you don’t? second, maybe like don’t walk down the alley so leisurely. did he forget what’s going on and how they’re after him? he stops to pee, he plays with his little scratch card, he’s having a merry old time. and then when they drive up to the alley, they shoot him! where’d that come from!? oh fuck. goodbye ricky. :(

*honorable mention: point break
dead person: bodhi
bodhi could have avoided his death, since he basically committed suicide. he chose surfing over a life in prison and honestly, who wouldn’t? i stand behind your choices, bodhi. and i miss you.

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