ok, so remember that movie american pie? theyre like “oh look, a milf! yay!” well most of the following movies did that shit first. these are the hottest moms that are totally hot and legit moms. no stepmoms, no pregnant chicks. moms. hot moms.
10. maura tierney
movie: liar liar
maternalocity: all she does is worry about that son of hers
tapped by: jim carrey AND cary elwes
not only is she like a great mom in this, but she’s also pretty cute and she was on newsradio. so she wins in a lot of ways. one problem is, shes a good looking girl. jim carreys not a bad looking dude. together, they make that monster child with the ultimate 90s hair. bad offspring brings this mom down on the scale.
9. mrs. conehead
movie: coneheads
maternalocity: she cooks and cleans and doesnt have affairs
tapped by: dan akroyd sans buttcrack – barf
ok so shes not like the hottest mom ive ever seen but dude! she has a conehead! yeah she doesnt have a buttcrack i assume but still. oh and her daughter is superrrr hot so that speaks pretty highly of her because we know she didnt get it from dan akroyd. amiright?!
8. kathleen turner
movie: serial mom
maternalocity: shes all about protecting her kids
tapped by: sam waterston, lolz
kathleen turner loses some screws or marbles or whatevs and starts killing people who disrespect her and her family or just do shit that pisses her off like wear white after labor day. shes definitely hotter in body heat, but she wasnt a mom in that, you guys. and everyone would bang a crazy at some point.
7. geena davis
movie: long kiss goodnight
maternalocity: shes a pretty shitty mom.
tapped by: craig bierko (mmm) and her new husband tom amandes
geena davis gets double hot points in this because she has two identities. shes the normal mom who likes ice skating and baking rice krispie treats but then she has her former identity of a being a super secret secret agent. although she is pretty good looking in this, she neglects that kid she has a lot. yeah, you got amnesia and youre back to your old life, but you did birth a kid so maybe bring her along or something.
6. mrs. freeling
movie: poltergeist
maternalocity: very good, shes all about those kids
tapped by: craig t. nelson!
jobeth williams looks pretttty good for a mom of 3. she is a loving housewife who stays at home and watches all the weird shit going on like her kid magically sliding across the kitchen floor and stuff. oh and then when the spirits are messing with her, theyre totally trying to get her naked because she looks so good in that football jersey.
5. jamie lee curtis
movie: true lies
maternalocity: terrible, terrible mother.
tapped by: arnold. ftw. oh and maybe bill paxton.
shes a dorky and caring mom but then shes like “eh, i wanna be like my shitty husband so see ya, daughter! i gotta tcob!’ so then she gets all hot with water in her hair and ripping up her clothes. and she reignites the flame because clearly thats more important than the safety of her daughter. but man, shes got titties that’ll make you scream out for buttermilk, baby.
4. amber waves
movie: boogie nights
maternalocity: well, she gave birth so thats something.
tapped by: a ton of dudes but thats how it goes when you do/live porn.
so julianne moore got her kid taken away because of all that porn she loves to do. and drugs. so technically, shes a mom but the kids gone. to replace the memory of her child, she basically adopts heather graham. and becomes like her mom! and then they all do porn and stuff! hot.
3. marisa tomei
movie: the wrestler
maternalocity: she claims to be a good mother
tapped by: mickey rourke! ew!
since marisa tomei decided shes gonna be an actress again, she started being naked a lot. so in this particular movie, shes a stripper mom. and shes naked a lot. she has a son, which is fine, but then she decides a good move would be to date mickey rourke. so shes not a good mom. but shes still hot.
2. diane lane
movie: jack
maternalocity: she loves her son even though hes robin williams!
tapped by: brian kerwin
diane lane is sooo pretty. looks wise, she should be #1 on this list. but she gave birth to robin williams, so there goes #1. cate blanchett played a chick who had sex with to a reverse aging guy, but diane did it hotter. well she didnt have sex, but yknow, shes a wonderful mom to robin williams.
1. ellen griswold
movie: vacation
maternalocity: shes all about fam time and keeping her hubby happy!
tapped by: chevy chase. for that she gets the most props ill ever give.
not only is beverly d’angelo pretty hot back then, she also shows her boobs, like all the time! she gives birth in this movie to the pretty audrey and anthony michael hall so thats good too. and she loves getting naked and hanging with the husband. did i mention shes married to CHEVY CHASE? ugh. so hot.
*honorable mention: lorraine baines mcfly
movie: back to the future
maternalocity: shes incestual but sweet
tapped by: crispin glover. ha.
so shes really doable back when shes a teenager scamming on her own son, but even when marty and doc make everything good for their future, she looks pretty good as an older mom too. but she only gets an honorable mention because without the time machine, she wouldnt be that hot.
my favorite director as of this minute of today is steve miner. i love to make things, drink too much, angrily debate about horror movies, happily discuss full house, and buy home decor and clothing with animals on them. wolves and kittens mostly. i also love thousand island, the movie zapped (and the soundtrack), and keith david. and despite all this, i was really popular in high school!
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i can't believe you left out all the mom's from parenthood.
mary steenburgen
martha plimpton
AND WIEST. YOU FORGOT WIEST!
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i second the plimpton nom. tapped by keanu? too rad
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i just came across this randomly and i just LMAO! this is really funny.
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