top 10 gay relationships between straight dudes
before this whole “bromance” bullshit came around and swept the nation with reality shows and movies and ryan seacrest, there was loyal and innocent love between men friends with no lame labels. the buds in these movies were legit about romancing it up. sadly, i decided not to include back to the future on this top 10, although i strongly believe it could be here. sorry you guys.
10. good will hunting: matt damon and ben affleck
level of unrequited man-love: theres much love on and off screen with these two.
who’s on top: tough call. i’d think affleck.
ben affleck wants bigger and better things for his baby. he’s like “oh will hunting, you deserve better than this life and me. i want you to pursue your dreams of being a math guy and stuff.” and matt damons like “you really mean that?! ok ill go out and make tons of money for us to be together so i can take care of you.” oh, and theyre always rocking out to the weepiest elliot smith songs ever.
9. karate kid: mr. miyagi and ralph macchio
level of unrequited man-love: i think its more lust than love.
who’s on top: duh. mr miyagi would tcob.
who’s on top: duh. mr miyagi would tcob.
mr miyagi thinks ralph’s cute and vulnerable, so he trains him in order to get his fence painted and stuff. and he appears to love watching ralph do things for him. he loves to teach him. hes the strong, silent and passionate type. and after ralphs done washing his older man friends car and what not, we dont know what goes on behind that painted fence. amiright?
8. swingers: vince vaughn and jon favreau
level of unrequited man-love: they have each others backs and more.
who’s on top: size doesnt matter. vince would take that teddy bear.
level of unrequited man-love: they have each others backs and more.
who’s on top: size doesnt matter. vince would take that teddy bear.
sure, they wanna get laid. that doesnt mean theyre not obsessed with each other. and when vince vaughn is about to score with the mediocre trailer chick, hes like hold up, i gotta check on my boy. clearly, hes thinking about his boy during this intimate moment. thats because he loves him. and its adorable.
7. home alone: joe pesci and daniel stern
level of unrequited man-love: they spend every waking moment together.
who’s on top: i’d like to not have the image in my head, but pesci fo sho.
who’s on top: i’d like to not have the image in my head, but pesci fo sho.
hey man, theyre not called the wet bandits for nothing. gross. they have an abusive relationship, but obviously daniel stern likes to be pushed around. in fact, daniel stern is one of the kings of gay straight dude relationships (city slickers, very bad things). but these two are the bonnie and clyde of our generation.
6. fight club: tyler durden and ed norton
level of unrequited man-love: ed nortons totes obsessed with tyler. do you blame him?
who’s on top: brad pitt ftw
level of unrequited man-love: ed nortons totes obsessed with tyler. do you blame him?
who’s on top: brad pitt ftw
how can you say no to a face like that? you can’t. so ed nortons like ill do whatever you want, i just wanna be near you. and hes like “are you bathing in there? ill be right in!” ed nortons cute and all, but brad pitt is basically his fantasy man, right? so he pictures him being that hot either because he wants to be that hot himself, or he wants to bang that hot.
5. midnight cowboy: ratzo rizzo and his callboy
level of unrequited man-love: its a love hate relationship
who’s on top: actually, i could see dustin on top! thatd be cute, right?!
level of unrequited man-love: its a love hate relationship
who’s on top: actually, i could see dustin on top! thatd be cute, right?!
dustin hoffman finds this hot little number and takes him under his wing. apparently, he loves fresh meat. he thinks jon voights super fresh looking so they decide he’ll bring home the bacon for them by putting out to yucky old broads. and he does. and its great.
4. waynes world: wayne and garth
level of unrequited man-love: total butt buddies
who’s on top: i neednt even answer that.
level of unrequited man-love: total butt buddies
who’s on top: i neednt even answer that.
they talk like a couple, they embrace like a couple, and they fight like a couple. theyre jealous of each other just like lovers and insecure about their roles in one anothers increasingly tense lives. but they have more fun together than anyone. because they just get each other.
3. murder by numbers: ryan gosling and michael pitt
level of unrequited man-love: secret lovers are the most sensual
who’s on top: i’d think they’d switch off.
who’s on top: i’d think they’d switch off.
they can’t let anyone know about them and their secret bond. because of their forbidden love and their murders. this just makes them more passionate for time with each other. and they made a collage of their faces together. i guess what their offspring would look like? and ryan gosling sneaks into michael pitts bed, and sits outside his window pining over him. its really very sweet.
2. encino man: sean astin and pauly shore
level of unrequited man-love: this is such an unhealthy relationship
who’s on top: sean astin could never be the giver
level of unrequited man-love: this is such an unhealthy relationship
who’s on top: sean astin could never be the giver
sean astin is clearly in love with his best friend, pauly shore. who could blame him. so when link comes into the picture, sean gets jealous and needy. paulys totally turned off, he just wants to eat burritos and go to on rides at the mountain. but seans looking for more commitment. and paulys not willing to give it. hes just looking for a good time. the whole thing is very sad and desperate.
1. shawshank redemption: andy dufresne and red
level of unrequited man-love: this is a more subtle love
who’s on top: tim robbins is no stranger to taking it. oooo.
level of unrequited man-love: this is a more subtle love
who’s on top: tim robbins is no stranger to taking it. oooo.
tim robbins and morgan freeman have a strong bond from the beginning. im not gonna say its love at first sight, but it pretty much is. and so they help each other through their tuff time in prison. and then they decide to sneak out together! and the biggest clue that theyre in love is that they travel to zihuatanejo to be together forever. if two men living happily on a beautiful beach together is not a happy ending, then i dont know what is.
my favorite director as of this minute of today is steve miner. i love to make things, drink too much, angrily debate about horror movies, happily discuss full house, and buy home decor and clothing with animals on them. wolves and kittens mostly. i also love thousand island, the movie zapped (and the soundtrack), and keith david. and despite all this, i was really popular in high school!
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This is one of your finest blogs. You managed to make Encino Man way more interesting than it probably is otherwise. Well played, Madfishes.
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encino man is such bullshit; if it were real that motherfucker would have been running around smashing chicks with a giant fucking club and raping their lifeless bodies, not hanging out at the ice skating rink playing rad mobile.
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John Woo movies contain the gayest straight men ever. I think Fight Club would fall under self-love.
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