hey you guys! its the swayz here. now that im heaven i have lots of time to help out on guest blogging so here i am. guest blogging. and now im going to do a top 10 about fellow ghosts in cinema.
10. the sixth sense
ghost: mischa barton
likability: i wouldnt want to costar with her, ill say that much
mischa barton plays a little kid ghost that wants to hang with the main kid. but all she does is cry and moan and complain i think about how her mom poisoned her dead or something? no one wants to listen to her bullshit. oh and she pukes. gross!
9. the frighteners
ghost: michael j fox
likability: um yeah tons, hes michael j fox.
he freezes himself to become a ghost temporarily so he can go and fight the grim reaper or whatevs. doesnt matter. michael j fox is awesome ghost or not. sorry chi mcbride. michael j fox beats you this time. and every time.
8. indiana jones: raiders of the lost ark
ghost: a bunch of ghost head things that came out of the ark
likability: some, but they melt faces and stuff.
they start out as hot chicks so youre like oh, yeah those are some good ghosts but then they turn into scary heads like this and turn all those dudes into skeletons and melt their faces. not very friendly ghosts in that ark i tell you. theyre like some of those hoodlums my fists dealt with back in my days as a bouncer at the double deuce.
7. casper
ghost: casper duh
likability: well hes pretty cute.
casper died when he was a young devon sawa and is harassed by his evil ghost uncles and stuff. but he loves to love and he loves trying to make out. his target is christina ricci who hes constantly trying to woo but he doesnt even have a tongue so i doubt hes gonna get much until he turns back into sexy as devon sawa. take it from me, patrick swayze.
6. the shining
ghost: old lady who turns from hot to not
likability: none. i wouldnt touch her. shes nasty.
ew. no one wants you, old lady ghost. so go away. she tricked jack into thinking she was hot and then turns into this. just like johnny utah pretended to be down, but nope. he wasnt down the way i thought. but id rather fuck keanu than this lady. amiright? AMIRIGHT!? miss you, keanu.
5. scrooged
ghost: bill murrays old parter, lew
likability: hes pretty rad, but hes scary
hes pissed off and he wants a drink, but he cant drink because of all his bullet wounds and stuff. the booze goes right through him. he seems intimidating and violent when he hangs bill murray out of the window but he doesnt drop him because his job is not to kill him. so he obviously follows directions. not like me when i was a dance instructor at kellermans. they wanted me to do the flamenco but i did my own dance, the way i wanted to do it. and i rocked it.
4. thir13n ghosts
ghost: token naked chick
likability: well she’s definitely hotter than 12 other ghosts
i think they refer to her as the “angry princess”. i dont know why being naked with huge fake titties makes her a princess but ok ill deal with that. she sits in a bathtub being naked and stuff. so yeah, shes a pretty rad ghost because most of the ghosts i know would find a robe.
3. ghostbusters
ghost: slimer
likability: tons. hes so silly!
slimers just there to have fun. he loves messing with the ghostbusters and driving buses. he also apparently loves filling his mouth with piles of shit. but i really dont think slimer would hurt a fly. hes a sweet ghost. hey remember when i was in too wong foo, thanks for everything julie newmar? that was fun.
2. pee-wee’s big adventure
ghost: large marge
likability: fuck. none. shes fucking creepy.
fuckin large marge gave me nightmares for years! she seems like the sweetest old lady truck driver who talks really creepy and stuff but then! she makes that face! ahh. no i will not tell ANYONE that large marge sent me. definitely not. sorry.
1. ghost
ghost: ME! double entendre!
likability: pssh. duh.
yeah other ghosts are nice and all, but im pretty sure i win at being a ghost. what other ghost can do pottery? and fight off bad guys who want to fuck my wife? and hang with whoopie goldberg. none. i win. and now im showing my real ability at being a ghost, up here in heaven. :(
*honorable mention: how high
ghost: the dude with the unibrow or something
likability: hes caring, patient, and loyal
this guy dies because he falls asleep with a joint, but he comes back to be there for his friend. and then his ashes are made into pot, and the pot makes redman and method man smart. you may be wondering why i made this the honorable mention. ill tell you why. because its my favorite of all of these ghost movies. besides ghost. good reason.
my favorite director as of this minute of today is steve miner. i love to make things, drink too much, angrily debate about horror movies, happily discuss full house, and buy home decor and clothing with animals on them. wolves and kittens mostly. i also love thousand island, the movie zapped (and the soundtrack), and keith david. and despite all this, i was really popular in high school!
_________________________
you can send me tips/praises using that adorable little envelope icon.
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This was NOT written by me! I am the REAL Ghost of the Swayz!!! Blasphemy!
-The REAL Ghost of the Swayz
p.s. I do not miss Keanu. He's a douche.
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